mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
where am i from again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
