there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
