I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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