brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
