you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
