I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
