dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it because I queefed?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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