are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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