Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
