How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
