I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
