thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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