saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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