at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
3pm strippers are depressing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
