dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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