she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
