I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize