She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize