Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
