watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
