she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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