hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
