apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
