I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
