i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
