i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
