Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want nice things and good sex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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