you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize