There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
