You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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