Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
