Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
