I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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