you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
