at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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