Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
