Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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