Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What a dumb baby whore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize