He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
