they need to just BURY HIM!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
