addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
