Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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