how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
