Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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