Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
