So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
