I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
