sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
