Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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