I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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