Apparently you make a good broom.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
