i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the condom got lost in my hair
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
