he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
