I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
