if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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