Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
