How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
