I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize