I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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