I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
