All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
