Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
