brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
