She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
