Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
