I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
