I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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