You made me cry and you don't even care
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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