I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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